a glass of iced beverage on a table

Good enough, Day 9: Giving the Arnold Palmer a run for its money

I must now admit to an embarrassing personal deficiency: 99.999% of the time, I hate drinking water.

Okay, maybe “hate” is a bit strong; I really, really dislike it. But I stand by the percentage! Water is the most tedious beverage under the sun. It is blah. It is non-delicious. From the wrong wells or pipes, it is aggressively foul. Am I saying there are no exceptions to this? I am not. When I was an entitled jerk who drank bottled water, there were brands I loved. Arrowhead? Moderately tasty. Sparkletts? Delicious. On those occasions when I am that bozo who forgot her water bottle, I will treat myself to an overpriced Dasani from the 7-11 cooler and drink that whole sucka down right there. (I am convinced they put something in it to make it more palatable. Crack, maybe.) And, okay, when it is 8 million degrees here in L.A., as it inevitably is in September and October, even water from a fountain that hasn’t had its filter changed since the Carter administration can taste pretty good. Overall, though, I give a big, fat “meh” to water as a beverage.

This poses a few problems, as the adult, responsible Colleen knows she needs a certain amount of water per day for good health and flushing things out and counteracting Americanos—which, as everyone knows, God invented for himself on the seventh day while he “rested”, then hid from the rest of us until 1982. For a while, I tried getting my daily H20 con gas, as the Italians say. Sparkling water was highly satisfactory from a gustatory perspective, but was hell on my intestinal tract, not to mention fitting in my pants by the end of the day.

I had a major breakthrough sometime last year when, for something like the 44th day in a row, I found myself pouring out my almost-untouched nightly peppermint tea in the the morning. I’d begun making a mug of it at bedtime in an attempt to calm and soothe me into sleep. I must be an easily-suggestible type, because within several months, just setting that thing down on the bedside table made me sleepy. Great for feeling rested, but a terrible waste of perfectly good peppermint tea.

So, one fateful morning a year or so ago, I poured what was left in the mug into a glass, figuring I’d just drink it cold, only—well, I was out of ice. On a whim, I topped it off with chilled, sparkling water and JUST LIKE THAT, my new-favorite drink was born. It is easy as pie to make. It is cheap, even if you brew the tea fresh, for this express purpose. And, while most definitely con gas, it is con less gas than fizzy water alone.

Best of all, it is delicious. If you like your drinks non-sweet and just a little acrid, as I do, you will be in hog heaven.

I was thinking I should call it a “communicatrix”—why should Arnold Palmer have all the non-alcoholic fun?—but upon reflection, I believe I will have to dub it the…

GUDENOV
(serves 1)
Fill a 12-oz glass halfway with brewed peppermint tea. Fill to top with chilled sparkling water. Enjoy!

xxx
c

The skinny on, plus all previous 21-Day Salutes™.

8 comments

    1. I just love that there’s a secret society of people who will immediately think of “Bullwinkle” when they drink a Gudenov.

      We can make this thing take off, right?

    1. I know you’ll understand when I say I can’t put myself under this kind of pressure, but I do think that the mark of “Should this go live?” may be “Will it pass the Mark Silver Mailbox Test?”

      Thank you, fellow Virgo. I am happy whenever I see you, on or off of the internet.

  1. Hey Colleen, I have two words for you: Soda stream. This fantastic device allows you to make your own sparkling water at home. Way cheaper than buying bottled water (although, of course, you have to buy the canisters.) A lot more convenient. A lot more environmentally friendly, too. (And, even though instructions tell you NOT to carbonate bottles of wine, I read the suggestion in the New York times and figured it was okay.) It was more than okay. So delicious!

    1. Love my Sodastream! I had to buy a second canister, so I’d never run out. But at $10/refill (using the golden $5-off Bed Bath & Beyond coupon), it’s not exactly cheap.

      There’s a growing movement of disgruntled cheapskates who are using this adapter. It’s an upfront investment, but given the way I burn through canisters, it’s certainly better in the long run.

    1. I do like a green tea now and then, but I find that the price I must pay for enjoying my MASSIVE AND UNADULTERATED Americano in the morning is to steer clear of caffeine most of the rest of the day.

      But I’d have to skip this item, regardless. It’s filled to the gills with SCD illegals!

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