Poetry Thursday: Change is a bitch, but she’s my bitch

road sign at sunset

You have likely forgotten
how wrenching
that last change you made
truly was

But it was

I have forgotten
a lifetime of changes
I chose for myself
and a second one
of those that were chosen for me.

Each time I woke up
was as jarring as the first

like an alarm you never get used to

or falling off a bicycle
the ground rushing up to greet you
and your unsuspecting elbows
with concrete reality.

Why choose change, then
when that bitch
has brought me nothing
but broken bones
and bandages
and recovery periods as painful as the pain itself?

Because
I have seen what happens
when you hit the snooze button
too many times

I sat at her table
and saw her weep
stoic, Swedish tears
for choices not made
that were no longer hers to make

I sat by his bed
and witnessed him clawing at the air
with what strength he had left:
one last call
one last meeting
one last stab at being
the kind of alive he called living

I sat from a distance
and watched her die
slowly, by degree,
clutching her choices to her chest
to the very end.

My road here
has been paved
with the choices I made
but the wilderness beyond
has been illuminated
by the ones they did not.

Which is why I must
turn off here,
where the pavement stops
and only crazy people
venture forth.

Call me crazy
if you must
wish me luck
if you can
travel alongside
if you will…

xxx
c

Image by Mads Boedker via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

17 comments

  1. You made me cry. A very rare thing for me, but always a sign that I’ve heard a truth–and been willing to listen.
    I do wish you luck, and all the blessings I’ve gathered in realizing that scar tissue may not be pretty–but it’s incredibly strong. It appears my path is already alongside.

    Thank you
    J

  2. Thank you. Your poem brought tears and deep recognition from my heart, and joy for that recognition.

    Keep giving us poetry…it rocks!

    Mary Ellen

  3. That’s why I want to keep celebrating craziness. And, so far, 2010 has been a “good crazy” year. Your poetry Thursday is adding that hot chili pepper, that even a Latino man needs once in a while.
    Gracias, gracias…you are LO MEJOR!!!!!

  4. That’s why I keep celebrating craziness. And, so far this year 2010 has been a “good crazy” year. Your Poetry Thursday keep bringing some hot chili pepper that even a Latino man needs once in awhile.

    Gracias, gracias, gracias…you are LO MEJOR.

  5. Colleen – Have you considered publishing a book of your poems? Every one of them is sooo good! I look forward to your Poetry Thursday and very often I copy them to read again (for me and to share with friends, but not to use illegally, I promise!) Coffee House Press located in MN might be a place that would be interested…..

  6. Thank you, all. Yes, I am considering a poetry book and Randi, I appreciate the pointer towards Coffee House Press.

    I’m still awfully new to this poetry game. The encouragement is so very welcome!

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