The old-school lit-world isn’t the only place where you’ll find the crap piled high.
No, my friend, if you’re a blogger, you know it all too well…
The Slush Pile.
Yes, that sad, electronic stack of half-gnawed posts festering away on your desktop, your thumb drive, your poor, overworked, shared server. Each one started with the best of intentions before being abandoned in shame and defeat.
But like the crazy old broad in Baby Jane makeup collecting water bottles as she mutters her way down Santa Monica Blvd…or the West L.A. divorcÃ©e who can barely sip her frozen scoffee through her $4,000 face…or the too-tan, pot-bellied, man-tittied apartment manager of your popcorn-ceilinged complex in Van Nuys who did a one-off walk-on on Who’s The Boss when dinosaurs roamed the Big Three networks…still hoping against hope for something, anything, to spy the intrinsic star quality within.
The Big Losers:
- Kick me hard
- The vilification of Star Jones, or, what gets your war on
- The wholly unjustified anger of the neophyte
- Why I love Oprah
- Kill your SUV
- Now you has jazz! Jazz! Jazz!
- Pha(r)t baby
- Good-looking vs. attractive
- The road to happiness is paved with delayed gratification
- Even ze orchestra is beautiful
Some are almost fully written; some are just a title that amused me briefly before leaving me befuddled. That don’t scare me none. Pick your favorite; pick your least favorite. I’ll write it up and post it next week, no matter how lame the title, out-of-date the topic or convoluted the idea.
And for anyone who’s interested and/or uninspired, all of the rest of the post titles are for sale…