Slush Pile Wednesday: YOU pick the post

slush pile

The old-school lit-world isn’t the only place where you’ll find the crap piled high.

No, my friend, if you’re a blogger, you know it all too well…

The Slush Pile.

Yes, that sad, electronic stack of half-gnawed posts festering away on your desktop, your thumb drive, your poor, overworked, shared server. Each one started with the best of intentions before being abandoned in shame and defeat.

But like the crazy old broad in Baby Jane makeup collecting water bottles as she mutters her way down Santa Monica Blvd…or the West L.A. divorcée who can barely sip her frozen scoffee through her $4,000 face…or the too-tan, pot-bellied, man-tittied apartment manager of your popcorn-ceilinged complex in Van Nuys who did a one-off walk-on on Who’s The Boss when dinosaurs roamed the Big Three networks…still hoping against hope for something, anything, to spy the intrinsic star quality within.

The Big Losers:

  1. Kick me hard
  2. The vilification of Star Jones, or, what gets your war on
  3. The wholly unjustified anger of the neophyte
  4. Why I love Oprah
  5. Kill your SUV
  6. Now you has jazz! Jazz! Jazz!
  7. Pha(r)t baby
  8. Juicy
  9. Good-looking vs. attractive
  10. The road to happiness is paved with delayed gratification
  11. Even ze orchestra is beautiful

Some are almost fully written; some are just a title that amused me briefly before leaving me befuddled. That don’t scare me none. Pick your favorite; pick your least favorite. I’ll write it up and post it next week, no matter how lame the title, out-of-date the topic or convoluted the idea.

And for anyone who’s interested and/or uninspired, all of the rest of the post titles are for sale…


Image by Whatknot via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.


  1. well, you’ve likely guessed that i might be the vainest blogger on the west coast, so either write number 9 or let me have it for free because i’m so awfully attractive. or is it good looking? PLEASE SAY BOTH

  2. i have several favourites:
    1. Kick me hard
    3. The wholly unjustified anger of the neophyte
    9. Good-looking vs. attractive
    10. The road to happiness is paved with delayed gratification

    least fav:

    2. The vilification of Star Jones—or, what gets your war on
    4. Why I love Oprah

  3. If #3 is about Brad Pitt as a philanthropist, I vote for that one. Otherwise, I choose #10 (’cause lord knows I hit enough potholes on the instant gratification highway…) Driving westward through the Mojave the other day, I thought of “The Right Stuff”…which made me think of Sam Shepard…which made me think of O-Lan…which made me think of you…

  4. I say — go for the Star Jones one. Since you hate that idea the most, it will probably come out the most interesting.

  5. Might be the first and last time I comment…but I gotta!

    My vote goes to 5 since you have helped me become a fan of the (small) car. To the SUV, I’ve grown fond of shooting a dirty look at the driver (specifically The Hummer), cursing them under my breath, being deathly afraid that they ARE trying to kill me or flipping them off.

    Please oh please…make Number 5 come to life.

  6. You have to be careful, though, as some of the small SUVs are not bad. I drive a 2001 Toyota RAV4 and it actually qualifies as a low emissions vehicle. Now the big ones – I agree – no point in a frak’n Hummer as far as I can tell.

  7. First – 9
    Second – 8 (because I’m really hoping it’s about juicy couture and the people who wear it)
    Third – 1
    Fourth – 10

  8. brando – the 9s have it so far, you handsome devil, but as the most imperious blogger on the west coast, I hereby order you to blog the damned thing, too. so there.

    annie – what’s this “and go” shite? did I just say that THE COMMUNICATRIX is the most imperious blogger? You may be Jesus’ Favorite, but I am THE COMMUNICATRIX!

    curtis – why the hatin’ on Star? do you dislike Payless shoes?

    colleen – damn. now I just want to write any post that uses the Canadian/British spelling of ‘colour’.

    marilyn – you seriously need to catch you up on some O-Lan. must have new reference point…

    carly – you can be a glutton if you pose for the photo in each post. ha ha ha! I am A GENIUS!!!

    maral – oooo…now I’ll have that creepy-ass song in my head all night. I’m totally going to dream about John Lennon goring me with a walrus tooth.

    neil – I find Star Jones endlessly fascinating, but I have a feeling my readership will take a precipitous drop if I blog about sister-girl.

    cath – hmmm…maybe someone ELSE needs to start a blog…

    christy – you are so jumping on the pile with that 9 thing.

    MB – now, why does that not surprise me…

  9. why the hatin’ on Star? do you dislike Payless shoes?

    It is not active hate, more like disinterest. Although I did watch some show on HGTV (House Hunters?)because they were looking for apartments in NYC and she hosted it. Seemed to me like she was reading lines and waiting for the paycheck to be handed to her.

  10. Way to keep the black woman down with your un-favs.

    Oh, and is it weird that I have NO slush pile? Does that mean I expose my readers (all 196 per day of them… big whoop) to the slush?


    And I vote for one and/or eleven. Just ’cause.

  11. Miss Syl – I have disposed of my white Pan-Kake and other tools of the trade, so I can’t do a good Joel Gray (or is it ‘Grey’–no, wait–he’s American. Gray.)

    Erik – you are so pure. I love that about you.

    Curtis – I’ll bet you are one of those people who drives past accidents w/o looking and isn’t drawn to the fiery wreck. Clearly, you are the antichrist. I will deal with you in a later post.

    Carly – ‘Atta girl!

    Bon and everyone else who thinks the communicatrix is also ‘colleen’ – I am ‘Colleen’, but I never post as her. ‘colleen’ is my canadian pal. I think she should be spelling our name with a “u” to reduce confusion, but those canucks, they NEVER listen.

  12. I’ll bet you are one of those people who drives past accidents w/o looking and isn’t drawn to the fiery wreck.

    I’m the guy yelling at the people slowing down, “Move on! Nothing to see here! Keep the cruise control on!”

    I do the same thing through speed traps. “The cop’s not gonna get you for doing 60 in a 55! Don’t slow down to 45! Keep it at 60!”


    Don’t know if I’ve been called the antichrist before. A demon from hell, sure.


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